You are normal.
We all mess up; we all make mistakes, some really big ones and some small ones.
When I first became a Christian, I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do. I had searched and listened and experimented with life. When I heard the Truth, that was it, nothing else seemed possible. Then the long road of trying to live the life as a Christian was facing me. I felt like I was in a different world.
I saw other Christians and thought how perfect they all looked. They said the right things and spoke in different terms than I was used to speaking. I can remember thinking I will never be as good as they are.
Each week I would go to services and go through the motions. My heart was in it, but being the mom of two little girls and working full time was hard. I loved Wednesday nights the most because it gave me a boost during the middle of the week to make it through the next 3 or 4 days. But I sinned. I always sinned. I used to beat myself up about how bad I was. That didn’t help, it just made it worse.
I’m a slow learner I guess because it took me many years to understand that no matter how hard I worked at it, I couldn’t work my way into heaven. I can never be good enough to earn Gods grace. He just gives it to me for the asking and obeying of His word.
Until I repent of that sin and start living in the light of His word I am separated from Him.
Life doesn’t end when we sin; it’s just another bump in the road of life. We sin; we ask for forgiveness and move on.
Review your life, repent of your sins and start fresh. God is always there for you no matter what time of day it is. Turn to Him.